


The Wall That Keeps Us Apart (Donald TrumpXDonald Trump)

by notaverygoodwriter



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: #2016 US Election, #US election, Anti-Donald Trump, M/M, No Smut, Politics, Satire, Selfcest, Warning: Donald Trump, did u know memes are banned in russia, donald you'll hate this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 04:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18045224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaverygoodwriter/pseuds/notaverygoodwriter
Summary: Donald J Trump, after years of searching, finds his soulmate: himself. But his evil exes, Vladimir Putin, Bob the Builder, that one green Teletubby, and Dora the Explorer (he went through an explorer phase) won't let him have his happiness. Will Donald defeat them and finally get to be with his one true love?





	1. Chapter 1: Love at (not really) First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Donald J Trump. You bigoted, racist, homophobic, transphobic dumbass. I hate you.
> 
> Trump supporters, turn back, you really won't like this.

When Donald Trump woke up, his mind was filled with despair. As he was combing his toupee--i mean hair---, his heart was empty, and soulless. As he ate his Big Mac for breakfast, he couldn't help but think about his love life. To be clear, he didn't have one at the moment. Well, he did have a wife, and multiple children, but he was getting bored, and fast.

Outside the white house, were the sounds of hard working, deserving American citizens protesting against the Trump Presidency, the sounds of parents, separated from their children at the border with no word on whether they were dead or alive, the sounds of the LGBTQ community, wanting their rights and a competent president, and the sounds of women, and people of color, who want to be treated the same as their white male counterparts. 

Donald put in his earbuds, and started listening to his favorite song, Justin Bieber's Baby. 

"Mr. President you have a meeting with--"

Donald silenced one of the white house employees with a finger up in the air. "WHAT?!" 

"Well I was just saying that you have a--"

"Stop, you're fired. Get out." He said.

The white house employee, whose name Donald couldn't remember, looked a bit confused, but Donny boy didn't stick around to see what he did next.

He walked as fast as his old, fat, orange body would allow him to, and went back to his bedroom, sipping from a mug that read "Make America Great Again" in big bold letters, as white as the Oscars, against the background and base color of the mug, a red as red as Donald's ass after being spanked by his former lover, Vladimir Putin. 

And that's when he saw him. 

It was the perfect man for Donald, the spitting image of what he always imagined in his head as his one true love, his soulmate, his sweetheart. As he stood in front of his dream man, he eyed him up and down. Those sexy, sexy socks and crocks that fit in all those calluses and blisters, his bright green short-shorts with legs that could go on for days. Or maybe just a day. Or an hour, okay fine minutes. no, just a couple seconds. (Those are some damn ugly legs). But Donald thought they were wonderful. Exquisite, even. A little higher and he got to his shirt. It was the shirt Donald wore when he was golfing to avoid meetings and actual work. Beside it hung from his neck, was his tie, and it was oh so long. Donald loved a long tie just like he loved a long--

Then there was his face, his beautiful, orange, face. A face wrinkled from seemingly years of objectifying women and thirsting after blood relatives. Donald could relate.

To this day, nobody knows how long it took Donald to realize that he was looking at a mirror. 

"Who," Donald started, already out of breath from walking a couple of metres. "Who is that magnificent, sexy beast?" 

He reached out to touch him, and was slightly startled when he reached out too. He slowly touched fingertips with his future spouse.

"Mmm, your fingertips are cold." He whispered loudly, "Donny likey."

 He moved closer to his reflection, again, startled at how the man in front of him leaned in too, mirroring his actions. He whispered softly and slowly, his voice low, and discreet.

"Have my babies, handsome man." 

He leaned back, waiting for a response, and was surprised when he didn't get one right away.

"Not much of a talker, I see. Don't worry, I'll give you something to use that mouth for."

By that he meant corrupting the youth and using his power as president for evil and teaching others to do the same in order to make people obey and rule over them like a fascist dictator all while making money and oppressing minorities and using propaganda techniques to make said minorities seem like villains and make you seem like the hero in the situation using your voice, and therefore your mouth, along with your throat, vocal cords, and lungs, along with other body parts. 

Then, the moment was ruined by a knock at the door. 

Donald rolled his eyes and yelled at the top of his lungs, in his most whiny voice, 

"GO AWAY I'M HAVING MY PRIVATE DONNY TIME!"

Suddenly, the door bust open, revealing a very angry looking 8 foot tall green telletubby. Donald's jaw dropped.

"Dispy? My former lover is back for me!"

 

 

 


	2. Dipsy's revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipsy appears, along with all of Donald's other extramarital affairs, Vladimir, Bob, and Dora. Will Donald be able to get rid of them? Will he realize that he's been looking at his own reflection? Did the chicken or the egg come first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So people are reading this. Did not expect that. Oh god.

"Dipsy? Its not what it looks like, I swear!" Donald said, blushing hard. It wasn't the only thing that was hard.

And by that I meant that facing his ex was hard, as in difficult. Donald was haunted by Dipsy, in fact the handsome man he had just encountered reminded him of Dipsy because of his bright green short shorts, the ones the same shade as the teletubby that Donald had tried so hard to forget. He recalled their first meeting, it was at a Trump rally when he was running for president. 

The day Donald saw the screen on his stomach displaying the words, "Build the Wall, Make Mexicans Pay For It All!" he knew that he wanted that long green antenna thing up his--

"BOB?!" 

Bob the Builder was standing there, right next to Dipsy. 

"Oh great. Another one of my jealous exes." Donald said sarcastically, which was just his normal voice because his small mind could not comprehend sarcasm. 

The door bust open again, revealing that Dora the Explorer, and Vladimir Putin were discussing when to make their entrance.

"I'm just saying that we should go in a couple of minutes, let things sink in." Vladimir said, not noticing that the door was already open. 

"Element of surprise, Vlad." Dora replied. 

Donald tried clearing his throat to get their attention but just ended up choking instead somehow. As Donald regained his breath, Bob started talking. 

"Do you know why we're here, Donald?" He said. "We're here for revenge, Donny. Sweet, sweet revenge."

"Revenge? It's not my fault i'm great. Actually it is. I'm great and I did it all by myself." Donald replied, trying to pat himself on the back, but failing because he isn't flexible enough.

"You used us, used us for weird sex stuff and now we've had enough." Bob explained. "We're here to stop you before you have a chance to use anyone else." 

"You're gonna kill me? You can't. I'm a god, you can't kill gods."

"Kill you? No, we're just here to convince you to take a vow of celibacy. Jesus." 

"Celibacy? No! I must consummate with my future husband!" 

"You're married, Donald." Vladimir reminded him.

"Shut it, Daddy Vladdy." 

Vladimir gasped. Donald had not called him that since their last night together. It made Vlad's heart melt, even though it was icier and colder than a Russian winter. 

"Don't you dare call me that! Don't you dare remind me of the time we spent together." Vladimir's eyes were on the verge of tears. He retreated behind Dipsy. 

"You can try all you want, but I won't let you keep me and my true love apart!" Donald exclaimed, looking back into the eyes of his new man. "Tell me, sugar daddy, what's your name?" He waited for a reply. 

"Are you seeing this?" Dora whispered to Dipsy, who just shrugged. "Maybe we should give them some privacy." 

"No, let's just see how this plays out." Bob said to the two of them, who were now watching as Donald stroked the face of his own reflection, leaning in to kiss himself, but then deciding against it because he was too nervous, and didn't want to seem too forward. 

After a couple of minutes Bob, Dora, Dipsy and Vladimir just kind of backed out of the room and left. 


	3. Trump Convos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald has a serious talk with his new lover. Meanwhile, Bob and Dora plot against Dipsy and Vladimir.

"We've got to escape before they catch us." Donald said, packing up his things in the backpack that Dora left behind just before she and Donald broke up. "Are you ready?" 

Donald started walking towards the door, but realized that there wasn't anyone behind him. He walked back to where he was, and looked straight into the eyes of his man, himself. 

"I know, you're probably scared, but it's okay. I'm rich and the president and I can do whatever I want." Donald waited for a reply, but didn't get one. "Do you not love me? Is that it?"

"I can make you love me,  I can do anything." Donald pressed his lips to his lover's, kissing deeper and deeper with his tongue, so deep he was scared that his groom-to-be would choke on his fat, ugly tongue.  

* * *

A couple doors down, Vladimir approached the Explorer and the Builder. 

"What is it, Vlad." Bob asked. 

"I was just talking to Dipsy. And he's got a good point." Vladimir said.

"No, we agreed on a plan, and when we agree on something, we stick to it."

"But are we sure about this? I mean, he's my ex and all, but he's still a person."

"He's all our ex, and that's why we need him to go down."

"But don't you think that cutting off his knob if a bit... extreme?"

"It's what's necessary." Dora chimed in. "Now go sharpen the scissors. Dipsy, you go and get the iron. We got work to do."

Vladimir ran off with Dipsy. Dora and Bob looked at each other with an expression of determination to hide the fact that they were unsure. 

"We need to do something, Bob. I have a feeling that Vlad and Dipsy are gonna blow this for us. We need a plan B if they betray us." 

* * *

Vladimir and Dipsy stood outside Donald's room, pondering whether or not they should tell Donald about what was to come, and whether or not Donald's small mind was even able to comprehend what Bob and Dora were plotting. But before they could rethink it, they opened the door, ready to confess and beg for forgiveness from their former lover, when they witnessed a truly horrifying act. 

Donald was standing there, making out with a mirror, fully naked. Dipsy and Vladimir covered each others eyes, but Vladimir couldn't help but peek. 

"DONALD PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!" Vladimir shouted, making his and Dipsy's presence known to him. 

"GeT OuT YOUr FIreD! I'm HAViNG mY DOnNy TiMe!" Donald whined. He refused to put his clothes on, and so Vladimir and Dipsy exited. 

Donald and his mirror were the only two (not really two) people in the room, aside from Donald's ego, which was so big and inflated that you could craft an entire extra person from it, and Donald just groaned, and lied down on the ground, next to his reflection. He groaned, annoyed at the fact that nobody would respect the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Donald probably couldn't respect it either due to him not being able to read. 

But Donny time would have to wait. He had to make his escape, and he had to make it now. 

 

 


	4. The Epic Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald makes an escape attempt.

"Bob, we're running out of time, we have to go, now." Dora said.

She had been trying to convince the builder to leave for almost ten minutes now, but Bob wouldn't move.

"It's not ready yet, Dora! I just need a little bit more time. Just another minute."

"Yes, but I heard the door open! We might get caught if they get here before we're outside and ready to go." Bob held up his hammer, it was scratched and dented but it still worked. He smacked it up and down on the device that he was making. "This. This, will make sure that Dipsy and Vladimir stay out of the job." He held it up like that baboon thing in the lion king did in the beginning of the movie with simba.

"Bob this is crazy, we have to go, now!" Dora was getting restless. She said, "Fuck it" in her head, and dragged Bob by the arm out of the room.

* * *

 

Finally, Donald believed that he had convinced the magnificent beast of a man in front of him to leave. But when he tried to get him to follow him out, he found that he had not, in fact, truly convinced his lover.

"Please, please!" Donald pleaded, on his knees now. "I can't take it anymore, what do you want from me? What can I do to convince you?" 

No reply. 

"Come on, you're the perfect man! You're handsome, and submissive enough to let me control your mind and brainwash you! What more can a Donny want?"

* * *

 

Vladimir and Dipsy were walking outside the white house, heads low and chins pointed down.

“We tried, and that’s what counts, right?” Vladimir asked. “We might have failed, but at least if Dora and Bob get caught we can say that we didn’t have anything to do with it.”

Suddenly, Bob and Dora appeared! Bob was holding up something, a device of sorts, while Dora held on to his arm, trying, but failing to drag him away and back on track to the original plan.

“Bob stop it’s not worth it!” Dora pleaded, she was on the verge of tears, with her voice breaking further with every syllable that she pronounced.

“HEY! DIPSY!” Bob yelled, pulling his arm away from Dora. “Get off of me.”

“Bob stop! Don’t come any closer! We don’t want to associate with you or your ridiculous plan anymore! Just leave us alone!” Vladimir yelled across the pavement. Bob was getting closer, but was still about 50 meters away from them.

“Dip-dawg, get a load of this!” He chucked the device over to Dipsy, who caught it in the air like a baseball.

The device was a picture of the overlord, a face that Dipsy didn’t think he would ever see again. The face that haunted his dreams and turned them to nightmares. The baby sun face thing.

“NOOOO!!!!!”

* * *

 

Donald was sobbing. He had never shed a single tear for the immigrant children he put in cages, or for the black men that were killed for absolutely no reason, or for the women who had been raped, and sexually harassed, or for anybody else. So why did this one man cry, you ask? Because his one true love didn’t love him back.

“I guess I got no choice,” Donald said, tears streaming down his face. “I have to go without you.”

He tried getting up, but he knees were much too weak to stand, not because of emotion, but because of his crippling arthritis and back pain. Instead he just fell backwards onto his back, unable to get up or roll back around, kind of like a dumb turtle, except even the dumbest of turtles was smarter than dear old Donny boy.

Eventually, though, he did get up, blew a kiss to his love, and set off.

* * *

 

“No, no, no, no.” Vladimir said nervously, pacing around. “What the fuck did you do, Bob?”

The device flashed on, and displayed a message that cast itself to Dipsy’s stomach screen. It was a message from the baby face sun thing, something that everyone in the team knew was a trigger for Dipsy.

Dipsy wouldn’t tell the rest of them what had happened, they just knew that it was bad, even for someone as strong-minded as Dipsy couldn’t forget and move on from it. But before Dipsy and Vladimir had time to process what happened and view the message, Donald appeared.

“Bob, look! It’s him!” Dora said, suddenly excited, and for some reason relieved.

“It’s him, Dip, it’s him!” Vladimir exclaimed.

Dipsy handed Vladimir the device, and did a quick, but certain march over to the Don-man.

“What is he doing? Aren’t we going to stop him?” Dora asked, looking over at Bob.

“Wait. I want to see how this plays out.” Bob replied, physically using his arm to prevent Dora from taking any steps, not taking his eyes off Dipsy.

And then, Dipsy spoke.

“Donald, we need to talk.” He said, in his rich, deep, decadent voice, like a dark chocolate truffle cake, served with a side of strawberries. “Donny, I see it now, more clearly than ever. You, and you only are the fire in my loins, the banana in my pocket, the smile in my pants. I want you back, Trumpsicle. Be my sugar daddy again, Big Donny.”

“Dipsy, my Dipman, Sy to the Dip. Dip-bro. Dip-dude, Diple-D. I can’t, Dipstick. I love another.” Trump said.

“And where is he?” Dipsy asked, looking into Donald’s eyes.

“Sadly, he loves me not. But Dipsy, Dipper, Scooby Dipsy doo, My little Dipsy, Dip-dick, Dipseroni, DippyDippDipp, I don’t think that I could make love to you knowing that the perfect man is out there, and he doesn’t love me back.”

“I understand, Trumpty Dumpty. Have a great life, Big D.” Dipsy said sadly.

He then left, head down and chin low, as Donald left the opposite direction, leaving only Bob, Dora, and Vladimir alone and by themselves on the pavement outside the white house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I guess that's it. I'd say something sentimental and cheesy like this is the end of some wild ride but it's only been a couple of days since the conception of this idea and as much as I love writing and hate Trump, writing about trump is a nightmare. Especially writing about Trump falling in love with his own reflection. 
> 
> Imma go back to reading Supercorp fics now, bye.


End file.
